Indecisive – Will I ever grow up?

I’ve changed my theme for this blog 4 times since I created it this weekend.  Can’t make up my mind for anything.  Kind of a long standing theme in my life.

My boss told me he had me figured out. Said I was the type of person who either put everything I had into something, or I put nothing at all into it.  And I thought I was just a Gemini.  I guess I’m just contrary, or wishy-washy.  hmmmmm.

Speaking of my boss, I have developed an unbearable crush on him. And I really hate it.  He’s my boss. He’s married. It’s horrible, I know.  But it is what it is I suppose.  I think it’s my protective rebound thing.  I’m deathly afraid of actually “dating” someone, so having the crush gives me something to do in my head without actually having to go through the inevitable rebound relationship with someone real.  I think having the safety of knowing I won’t have to relate to him on any level deeper than employee is good–I haven’t done so well at the intimacy thing, so it kind of fills the need for attraction and fantasy and all that, without actually having to deal with potential rejection.

I’m sure I’ll get over it, because as with everything else, I’m either all in, or not at all. And usually the not in follows the all in after a time.  It’ll pass.